I Can Hear Them Breathe...

If you haven't read the previous post, you might want to do that first before you read on...

Friday...Friday the 17th of September, 2010...a day I will NEVER forget!!! Jeff and I finished up a double date with Steve and Trina Fowler and headed over to the Oregon School for the Deaf. We get there and Scott (test/ear mold guy) gives us hugs and a huge welcome. Apparently he had been waiting for us all afternoon! I guess he was excited to see the follow up from my ugly cry when I realized I was getting 2 new hearing aids...for FREE!

Jeff and I w/ Scott

All of a sudden a woman hands me a little plastic bag w/ 2 new hearing aids, "Kara Brown, right?" She tells me to wait to put them in, so that Dr. Bill Austin can do it. There they are...in my hand. I just sit and look at them, I don't know what will happen when he puts them in...I mean, I know I will hear better, but it couldn't really change my life...could it? could they? 2 little hearing aids?

They even matched the outside to my hair color!

While we are waiting for my turn, our friend from church, Robyn Brown came up. She was so excited for me and asked if she could stay and watch Dr. B put them in. (Robyn had been with the deaf students in Minnesota all week, and had been signing/interpreting and helping with all aspects of the Extreme Home Makeover stuff, she is also the pastor for the deaf at our church - awesome lady!) We were blessed to share this experience with her!

Then it's my turn...he comes over and puts them in my ears...a guy from Starkey has the camera and lights rolling...I feel very much watched and the center of attention, which normally I don't mind, but today I felt really uneasy about it...b/c I didn't know what my response was going to be. I was actually in disbelief at first...I just kind of sat there with tears streaming down my face while he talked to me. I could hear him loud and clear. I could hear and UNDERSTAND him w/o looking at his face! Jeff is just standing there watching w/ tears in his eyes as I am hearing the world for the first time the way he hears it. Then my hubby stands behind me on my right side and says softly, "raise your right hand." So I did, and he claps his hands and says..."That is amazing!"

Jeff, Dr. B, and I...I know, great self portrait...I am short...ok?!?

Dr. B is still talking to me, explaining all the neat stuff about the hearing aids, making sure they fit, and then...Jeff comes up behind me, on my right side, and whispers into my ear. I immediately go into the ugly cry. Dr. B says to the camera guy, "You missed it, he just kissed her on the cheek. Get back over here." I respond to Dr. B and say, "No, he didn't kiss me, he whispered that he loved me...and I HEARD it!" He says, "Wow, I didn't even hear it." To which I responded, "I know a great guy who can hook you up with some amazing hearing aids."

This is right after Jeff whispered I love you...

Then...in a matter of minutes all the sounds I have been missing out on for 30 years come crashing into my world...its amazing and overwhelming all at the same time. Little things like when we got into the car I went to buckle up...and I heard the click it makes, so I did it again, and again, and again...Jeff is just laughing at me...I heard the raindrops falling onto the windshield while we drove to pick up our kids.

We get to Logan and Erica Martins house, who have been watching the kids for us, I rush in the door and up the stairs...Caleb says, "Mommy" and I drop down to my knees and cry while I hug him. Hearing his little voice in all it's fullness for the first time...such a flood of emotions. Then I hear Samaria, "are you ok, Mommy?" I sweep her up and cry even harder as I say, "Yes, Mommy has never been better." My children have the most amazing little voices and hearing them completely was one of the most precious moments in my life!

Then after we watched an episode of Chuck on Jeff's laptop...WITHOUT captions...and I heard it all! I went in to brush my teeth and wash my face...I heard the water hit the sink and splash, I heard the toothbrush against my teeth, this was so much fun, I wanted to hear more things. So I went into the kitchen and started opening and closing things, jingled the keys, clinked silverware together, and then I got an idea...I wanted to hear my kids breathe...so I crept into their rooms...and listened...it was perfect!

Hearing...

So...if you have read our blog before...you know that I don't! Jeff does it...he is the blogger in our family. He is funny, he is great with words, he can make you cry, he can cheer you up, challenge you, and gosh darn it...people like him! Now that we have established that this is a RARE occasion for me, Kara Lee Santos Brown to be blogging...here goes...my first time...
I was born w/ a hearing disability...it was not discovered until I was 4 years old. High Frequency loss amounting to 90 % in my right ear and 10% in my left ear. I was given a hearing aid...undercover word for, make fun of me! I was taken out of class once a week for speech therapy and the best part was they taught me how to read lips. (let me tell you...that has come in handy on numerous occasions!)

The bottom line was that I HATED having a hearing aid, I hated being different, and I hated being told I HAD to do/or wear something. I fought, and I mean fought HARD to get rid of that thing! To the point where I would walk out of the house wearing it to appease my parents and then as SOON as I got to the bus stop I would take it out and put it in my backpack. The bad news - the kids in my class and my teachers did not have a hearing disability and could hear it beeping b/c I would often forget to turn it off in a rush to get it out of my ear and in the backpack as soon as possible. So then I would get busted at home AND at school.

Didn't matter...still fought the hearing aid battle...determination is one of my most endearing qualities. :) just ask my parents! So needless to say I eventually wore them down...6th grade, Jr. High, the mother of all transitions up to that point in my life...they said if my grades did not suffer I did not have to wear my hearing aid to school! Praise the Lord! He does hear and answer prayers! No more speech therapy, no more hearing aid, no more being made fun of, no more being different!

It never affected my grades! It affected other things in my life though...music is hard for me to follow b/c I can't make out the lyrics. That is one of the reasons I love worship music so much, I know the words b/c they are on a screen every week at church. Movies in the theater...fun for most, for me very frustrating b/c if the screen is not showing the person who is talking I can't read their lips and I miss what they are saying. Whisper to me...hahaha Not a chance I can hear that. Missing out on things said...my friends always having to repeat themselves. Never being able to put the phone on my right ear. And the list goes on...

Now lets fast forward, graduated from college, got married to the man of my dreams, we got pregnant with our first baby...I didn't want to miss my little one cry, coo, or say uv u (love you) for the first time! So with some money saved up and a loan from Jeff's parents (Thanks Mom and Dad Brown) we went and purchased a hearing aid for Mama Kara. It was sufficient, enough to help, but nothing to write home about...we had a budget to stick with and a baby on the way, not to mention insurance does not cover them!

And then we had our little bundle of joy, Caleb...and that same bundle of joy (a year and a half later) stepped on my purse, which happened to have the hearing aid in it...yup...he smashed it to smithereens! My bad for taking it out and putting it in my purse...but those things itch after they are in your ear all day long! Needless to say, insurance still doesn't cover them, we have 2 babies and bills to pay...Mama Kara is back to reading lips and "what did you say again?"

In the meantime being blessed w/ friends and family who repeat themselves a million times, watch tv shows and movies w/ captions on, running buddies who always run on my left side so when they are talking and breathing hard I can hear them, tilting the rear view mirror down when I am in the backseat so I can read their lips and not be left out, and so much more!!!

Fast Forward to September 13, 2010...I get a text from my running buddy Erik, and I quote, "what is ur deafness called?" I laughed so hard I had tears running down my face. Turns out he is talking to Dr. Bill Austin, who is at the Extreme Home Makeover site, which happens to be the Oregon School for the Deaf - here in Salem! Erik says, "get over here, they will give you a hearing test"...in my mind I am thinking...Erik, I already know I am deaf! And Jeff and I are supposed to have a date night, and I don't want to go get tested again, we don't have money for another one, blah, blah, blah. Jeff says, lets just go...so we do...pack up the kids and head out. They give me a test...yup...still deaf!

Scott (test/ear mold guy) starts asking me questions about my hearing loss...what is hard? What do you wish you could hear? What is the hardest thing for you about your hearing loss? This is when tears start...I realize how much I truly miss out on...I have just always adapted...but in truth...I miss a lot of what my kids say. I miss out on one of my husbands gifts and passions in music. I miss out on getting sweet little whispers in my ears from my kiddos...b/c I can't hear them...so they don't do it! I miss the cute things they say and sing in the back of the car b/c I can't always tilt the rear view mirror to see their lips.

What I don't realize...until they are making molds for BOTH of my ears (I have only had 1 in my right ear before) is that...they are making molds for in ear hearing aids...this means they think I am getting TWO hearing aids!?! I stopped Scott and let him know, we don't have the money for this, and I have never had 2 before, only 1...he looks at me confused and says, "how did you hear about this?" I fill him in on Erik and the free test. Scott looks at me w/ tears in his eyes and says, "this is a $3,000.00 hearing test Kara. You are getting not 1 but 2 FREE hearing aids today." This is when the ugly cry starts...I can't believe it...and these are not just hearing aids...these are the Best of the Best! (I know...I sound like an old lady...off to a nursing home!) Jeff comes over, I explain, we both burst into tears...Scott is tearing up w/ us...and says to Jeff, "date night will never be the same, you can go to the movies now!"

Wow...I am in awe of how God chose to heal me! I have been praying for my ears to be made new for as long as I can remember! I want to hear what my husband plays...completely! I want to hear my kids...even when I am not looking at their faces! I am sure all my family and friends want me to stop asking, "what did you say again?" Thank you for always repeating yourselves! Thank you Erik for being that friend...like the friends in Mark 2:4! Thank you Dr. Bill Austin for your generosity! Thank you Jeff for pushing me to go for the "free hearing test" when I just wanted a date night w/ you...life will never be the same husband! Thank you Extreme Home Makeover for coming to Salem! Thank You God...for hearing me...healing me...loving me...and saving me!!!

Egypt Update 02

Today is our last full day in Taba.
Tomorrow, we pack up and head back to Aqaba, Jordan.

Kara and I have both tried to think of a word that could communicate to you what we've seen, heard, and experienced here. But none of them really do justice to it.

So allow me to blabber blog.

On Thursday morning, we started our first corporate worship time together. I was so nervous. Not because I thought I might play the wrong chord, but because I didn't know if I'd be able to handle the outpouring of voices crying out to God in a way that they haven't done in 365 days.

I was right. I couldn't handle it.

The sound of worshippers was such that I've never heard passion like that before. I've heard voices, yes. But the pure desire and affection for God that filled that room will never leave my memory. Tears. Broken voices. Arms outstretched not only to reach for Almighty God, but also to welcome the worship time like a prodigal son returning home.

One of the things Kara and I have debriefed about is that we will never sing some of these songs the same way again. We have forever been ruined.

Ruined by the bridge of "Mighty to Save":
Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King Jesus

...and the verse
Everyone needs forgiveness
the kindness of a Savior
THE HOPE OF NATIONS

Ruined by the verse of "Hosanna":
Hear the sound of hearts returning to you
We turn to You

Ruined by "Jesus Messiah". The Israel Lands workers especially contributed to the new meaning of this song for me. These people are spreading the news of the Messiah to people who are still waiting for him to come.

We have not just been impacted by our times of worship together. Conversations around the table reveal people who have taken their commitment to Matthew 28:19-20 seriously. These people are amazing. They have chosen to follow God's leading into places where (as one couple told us) they've been told that they will be killed if they step foot again into a certain village. Can you imagine?

We've met workers that have come from their home in Holland to tell the Middle East about Christ. They speak Dutch, have added English, and are tackling the most difficult language to learn - Arabic. Another couple is from China. Another from Chile. It's not just Americans.

That blew my mind! God is at work everywhere...he's sending out missionaries...from everywhere. We realized that our vision and perspective of God's work around the world was EXTREMELY small.

We came to serve.
But we have been served.

We came to be a part of changing lives.
Our lives are the ones changed.

Highlights
1. On the first day during a prayer meeting, security came and asked us to leave the room we were in so they could check for bombs. I was told it was "standard procedure". I'm gonna disagree with that.
2. We took communion together today and had a healing prayer time.
3. Kara found great joy in training for the Hood to Coast relay by running along the shore of the Red Sea (yeah, the same one that was parted down the middle for the Israelites...oh yeah baby).
4. Snorkeling near the corral reef on the Egyptian side of the Red Sea.
5. The speaker, Sunder Krishnan, has been speaking on spiritual formation all week and he...is...good. Look up his sermons.

We'll talk to ya soon.

Egypt Update 01

Kara looked at me yesterday and said “I can’t believe we’re in Egypt!”

All those stories and flannel graphs in Sunday School that told us about the Israelites

being freed from slavery and crossing the Red Sea on dry ground…

those “stories” have become quite real to us.

We took a boat across that same sea.

We’ve touched the sand where a million people

walked out of bondage and into freedom.

We stood on top of Mt. Nebo where Moses was shown the Promised Land.

We looked from the plains of Moab and saw what the spies saw

as they were sent to scout out the land God was giving them.

We bent down and scooped up water from the Jordan River…

at the alleged site where Jesus was baptized.

We put our hands in the Dead Sea.

Imagine reading Deuteronomy 34 out loud and as you read the names of places,

you look up and actually see these places in front of you.

The Bible has come to life.

We made it to Amman safely.

Almost didn’t find one of our suitcases until I saw it in a pile of luggage

that was being carted off by someone else.

Immediately we realized that we weren’t in Kansas anymore.

You immediately sense a change of pace in this culture.

Cars don’t stop for pedestrians.

There are no lines on the road. It’s eat or be eaten…

and once you’ve eaten the other driver – don’t make eye contact with them.

“Sounds like driving in New York City.”

I’ve driven in New York City and this makes NY look like the Disneyland car track.

I could go on and on about Jordanian culture.

And that was just about the driving conditions.

I am so proud of our overseas workers in the CMA.

Especially the ones who work in places like Jordan where the spiritual darkness

and oppression is IN YOUR FACE every day.

Would you stop right now, before you continue reading, and offer up a prayer for them?

Thanks.

We don’t have free internet connection here

so there won’t be updates as frequent as we would like…

but we will tell you that we are so excited to worship with these people.

They are hungry. They are thirsty.

“Come to me all you who are weary and heavy burdened…and I will give you rest”.

God is going to meet these people in a very special way.

And we get to see it up close and personal.

The sessions start tomorrow.

Pray for REST for our workers.

Pray for OPEN EARS as we worship.

Pray for an OUTPOURING of the SPIRIT as we seek Him.

Talk to you in a couple days.

7 years ago...

I, Jeff, took you, Kara
to be my lawfully wedded wife;
to have and to hold;
to have beautiful children with;
to go through a home foreclosure with;
to move away from both our families with;
to celebrate in my office when God opened the door to move to Salem;
to hold our breath in the E.R. when the nurse took forever to find Sam's heartbeat;
to drag you away from your love of youth ministry to an unknown role as worship leader's wife;
to carry you when you felt like giving up;
to be carried by you when I felt the same.

Yep I did.
And I still do.

I wrote a song for you on our wedding day.
Remember it?
If not...



Wedding rings and lighted candles
Spoken vows and good intentions
never seemed so beautiful to me
Faith hope and love overflow
Throwing away the status quo
to forever enjoy your company

Memories and recollections
Some made and some not yet begun
fill the room
The beauty of this day abounds
My feet have yet to touch the ground
There's something deeper to this hour

And this flower will fade
this flower will fade away
But the Maker of you
the Maker of me will always stay

Faith will keep us on our toes
Hope will push us down the road
And love keeps us strong
Every step we take from here
Will not surprise the God who's near
We're notes in his beautiful song

And this flower will fade
this flower will fade away
But the Maker of you
the Maker of me will always stay

When tomorrow morning comes
and the day is just another one
When the dress is put away
and the colors start to fade
I've got you, you've got me
We've got the One who never leaves.

And this flower will fade
this flower will fade away
But the Maker of you
the Maker of me will always stay